That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
third nipple confirmed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize