I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
