bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
