I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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