I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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