did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
