the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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