I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
