guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
