I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
