i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
