They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
