I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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