Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize