So drunk its hurt
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
