...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My penis needs a shock collar
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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