hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
