i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
