and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
