just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
