i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
