I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And then he peed in my hair
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