i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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