So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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