Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
