I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
