Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
