theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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