for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
