My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
