i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
