they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
