STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
