I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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