im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
