the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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