I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
