He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
