big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
