Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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