When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
