I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
