I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
