Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
