yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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