11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
