I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
