i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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