me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
