So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
