some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
