dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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