We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
