your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
pray to the hookup gods
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
