omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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