Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
