I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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