Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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