my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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