you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
organizing the empties. That sober.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
