SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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