im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
