i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
