i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
