: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
