what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
