dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
