im drinking this country out of the recession.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
