There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
