He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
