I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
